I Prayed for Good News. Then She Lost the Baby. I Didn't Know What to Pray For.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a strange dream I had.

In the dream, my mom and someone I think of like a younger sibling were in the same car. I was watching them through a video call when the ground in front of their car started splitting open.

There was nothing I could do. I could only watch the screen and keep saying the same thing.

Please. Please get away.

At the time, I just thought it was a strange dream.

When I wrote that post, the person in the dream was waiting for news about her pregnancy. At the end, I wrote that I hoped the news would be good.

Today, I heard the news.

She had a miscarriage.

She had been waiting for every ultrasound

She was really happy when she found out she was pregnant.

Every week, she went to the hospital for another ultrasound. When she got the pictures, she wrote down how many weeks she was and put them in her diary. I think she liked being able to see the baby growing a little more every week.

I waited for the pictures too.

At first, she could hear the baby's heartbeat. She sent me a recording of it, and I remember how amazing it was to hear.

Then, at some point, the doctor said the baby wasn't growing as expected.

But she kept going back to the hospital. Maybe things would be okay next time. Maybe the baby would start growing again after a little more time.

So we kept waiting.

Then today, she went to the hospital again.

There was no heartbeat.

Praying was easy in the dream

In that dream, praying was easy.

Someone was in danger, I was scared, and the words just came out.

Please.

That was it.

Today is different.

When I was hoping for good news, at least I knew what I wanted to pray for. I could pray for the baby to grow and be healthy. I could pray that she would hear the heartbeat again.

But after something like this has already happened, I don't really know what to say. I can't undo it. There isn't anything I can do to change what happened.

I'm just really sad for her.

I don't know why this happened

I don't want to come up with some nice-sounding answer to something like this.

"Maybe God has a better plan."

"There must be a reason."

I don't know if words like that mean much to someone going through this right now.

I don't know why the baby she had been waiting for stopped growing. I don't know why she could hear the heartbeat and then couldn't hear it anymore.

I don't have an answer for those questions.

What do you pray when you don't know what to say?

The strange thing is, even when I don't know what to say, I still end up praying.

In the dream, I kept saying Please. Today feels a little like that too. The difference is that this time, I don't know what I'm asking God to change.

So I'm just praying for her.

That her body recovers well.

That she can get through this.

That someday, when she thinks about today, it hurts a little less than it does right now.

I just hope she doesn't have to carry all of this by herself.

I still remember that one word from the dream.

Please.

This time, Please doesn't mean get away.

It means:

God, please take care of her.

That's all I really know how to pray today.